I know i will regret my decision, I will regret it deeply. I know I am signing up to a live full off unhappiness and fears and of course hopes. Hopes that the next guy will be it for me, and eventually I will know that me leaving you was a pact with the devil signing me up for disappointment. I know all these things , I can smell it like you can smell fear.
This is not for me, it is for something bigger. I am not the person I want to be. I life my live for the expectations of others. I’ve come to realize that their standards of whom I should be became eventually my standards. I am tired, tired of living the happy life, tired of having it all. So maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why I have to let you go. It’s the reason the devil got to me. I miss the pain, I miss the heartache, I miss crying in my bed for not being good enough, pretty enough. The reality is that you simply gave it all to me and I’m just not that kinda girl. I’ve come to realize that I need the pain, the uncertainty I need to lay in bed and wonder
But I will sign up for it. I will be a young Delilah, young, diluted and foolish. But still I will sign. A few months from now you will see me falling apart. Not eating because my new diet is based on alcohol and drugs. You, my love, will see me fall apart, you will see me crumble and yet still I will sign. So here I stand, stupid, foolish, defeated but brave.